I hate you, Peach! AKA Why I Should Never Be Allowed Into a Casino

Josh:

Let's continue where I left off but with a brand new state of mind, shall we?

Over the next couple of weeks not much happened (or at least not much that I remember). I'm sure I had tons of adventures but I wasn't smart enough to take notes in my notebook like I have done for so many other stories. Oops. The next entry in my book is on a Saturday (5/15/10) so I will just start there:

Have you ever felt that teachers need a holiday? I don't know about anyone else, but I never really gave it a thought. I understand mother and father's day but giving a day for a specific job is kind of unfair. Teachers are very important, of course, but what about doctor's day or construction worker's day? All of these jobs are essential to create a properly functioning society. Yes, teachers do have to deal with crazy kids and their parents but doctors have to deal with difficult patients also and construction workers have to deal with work hazards on a daily basis .

(I really hate to use doctors and construction workers as examples because it seems so cliche but I also feel that if I don't use them and search for a random job then I will be seen as "trying to be random" and come off as annoying. Ah, the dangers of writing).

In Korea, teachers have a holiday (as you might have guessed from my rant above). There are quite a few more certain people specific holidays in Korea such as Teachers' Day or Children's Day.

(One last side note: When I first heard that there was a Children's Day in Korea I thought, "Man, that is so unfair. I always wanted a Children's Day in America!" Then I thought about it and learned more. Quite frankly, I'm glad I grew up in a country that doesn't need a Children's Day. Think about it.)

Anyway, that Saturday (5/15/10) was Teachers' Day in Korea. I had heard about it before and I was fairly excited until I realized it doesn't really matter because I don't work on Saturdays. It turns out that you don't get the day off even if you do work on Saturday. What do you get on Teachers' Day then? Flowers. Don't get me wrong, it would be really nice to get flowers of appreciative students but in a stressed out society, wouldn't a day off be a little bit more effective? They used to get presents but due to the obvious issue of bribery they changed it to only flowers. I was hoping to at least get a note or something when I came back to my desk on Monday but I came back to an empty desk. Not a single flower; not even one picked out of the garden of the school! I then shed a single manly tear and went on with my day.

Back to the day; no more tangents (for now). Audrey and I decided it would be good to explore AK Plaza (we never really looked around up to until that day). We found out that it was huge. There were tons of department stores filled with overpriced goodies. We even found a bookstore. We decided to look around for any English books and ended up finding the Ponyo soundtrack (which we snatched up) along with a few other little gifts and ideas for the families back home.

Just as we were about to leave I saw a row of quarter machines so, being the five-year-old that I am, I decided to look at them. All of them were garbage (big surprise) except for one that had these Mario action figure type things. I thought, "Yeah, that would be cool to get a little Mario, Goomba or Bowser. Maybe I'll try it out." There were only about six or seven different characters and I thought it would be cool to collect a few to decorate my desk with. As I said, there was one or two Marios, a stack of little monsters, Bowser, Princess Toadstool and another random girl in a blue dress. I looked at the price: 2000 Won. I thought, "A little steep, but I could at least get one or two Marios maybe." I got change for my cash and went over to the machine like a kid who just received his allowance from his mommy. I put in my first 2000 Won and turned the crank. I felt like I was reliving my childhood. There was a serious lack of cool quarter machines back in the US so here I was getting a really awesome prize from a quarter machine in Korea. I finished turning the crank and I heard the ball drop. I opened the door and grabbed my prize. I turned it in my hand to see none other than Princess Toadstool, AKA Peach AKA the one prize that I didn't want. I thought, "Aw, man. Well I'll just do another and hopefully get Mario." For some reason I really really wanted a Mario figure. I put in the next 2000 Won and turned the crank once more. My prize dropped and I pulled it out. Peach was staring at me through her plastic ball prison once again. You can imagine that I started getting a little frustrated at this point. "Alright! One more. I'm bound to get Mario now. The odds are in my favor." I put another 2000 Won into the machine and turned the crank once more. The ball fell, I opened the door and saw a different color other than pink! Finally! I turned the ball over to look inside and it was the random girl in a blue dress. She was the only other prize that I didn't want. I almost put my fist through the machine. I had just dumped 6000 Won into this machine and out of the seven different prizes I only received the ones I didn't want. Of course these machines were near the children's section of the bookstore so I couldn't react at all lest I become the 23 year old who broke down in front Korean children due to a quarter machine. Audrey was standing next to me and watching my disappointment grow after each turn.

"Okay, time to go, Josh."
"Wait, wait. I mean, what are the odds? I'm bound to get Mario now!"
"No."
"Just one more."
"No."

At that point I yell, "YOU HATE ME!" and run off with my arms flailing at my side. Or in reality,

"Okay." *frowny face*
"Don't give me that look."
"But...but...Mario..."

We then start to walk away and I take one last look at my hopes and dreams. "Goodbye, Mario," I whisper into the wind.

After I stuff my crappy prizes in the backpack we decide to continue our exploration. Since were already on the top floor (or so we thought) we decided to take the elevator down. Intelligently enough, we stepped into an elevator that took us up for some reason. We thought, "It'll be one floor then we can take it down." When the doors opened up we saw a entire garden overlooking the city.

We both jumped out of the elevator and started to explore. We had no idea that there was a little park type place on the top of AK Plaza. We were really happy with our find and started a video tour.



As you can tell, at the end of it we ran into some of my students and their friends. We started talking and hanging out with them. We also took a few pictures:










































Audrey was cold so one of my students gave her his jacket. I decided I would try it on and the resulting picture makes me look like an absolute maniac. I was generous enough to post it though, because I know everyone would want to see it.

So we sat and talked for a little bit. I took out my three disappointments and gave them to my students because I wasn't sure what I was going to do with all the Peaches (I also found out at that point that the girl in the blue dress was a different version of Peach - GAH!) The girls seemed to enjoy them and the guys thought they were neat. In a little bit one of the students said, "Shim-shim." Luckily Audrey knew what that meant. "You're bored? I know what that means! Hah!" They vehemently denied it but we decided it would be good to head out and find more entertaining grounds. Even though it was Teachers' Day we decided to take the kids to an arcade and have some fun. I ran downstairs and got some cash ("Oh! Teacher rich!") and met up with Audrey and the girls at the arcade. I played some air hockey (finally got beat after years and years of a perfect record) and passed out coins like it was going out of style. I had trouble having them accept the coins because they didn't want to seem rude by taking too much money. I was really happy that they were all raised right so I forced the money on them and made them play House of the Dead with me. We played for a little while but eventually it got too hot and we left the arcade.

It was beginning to become late and one of the girls had to start heading home so we went down to the train station. I ran into a few more of my students (and one mother) plus a couple other English teachers that we knew. I was surprised that we kept running into so many people. Normally it's pretty rare to see anyone we know, much less a whole bunch of students and other English teachers. One of my students had to head home so we said goodbye and we started to wait for the girl's train. It was going to be about an hour and some change before it arrived at the station so we decided to quickly grab some dinner. We took them to the Korean restaurant that we like, quickly ordered and ate as fast as possible. One thing that I noticed was that my students were looking at me when the food arrived. I then realized what it was. In Korea, it's rude to eat first unless you are the oldest. They were waiting for the eldest to take a bite first. It took me a minute to get it but after I realized it I shoved some food into my mouth and they started eating. Once again, I was really happy to see high school students being so polite. After a quick meal, the girls headed out and only two of my students were left.

We took them to the place where Audrey kept winning prizes because of her shooting skills and the students were really impressed. We eventually decided it was too late for them and finally parted ways with my students. It was really good to get to see them outside of class and start to know them a little better as people. Overall, they seem like great kids to me and I am still impressed at their courtesy and manners.

After the kids left, I suggested where to go next,

"Hey, so, maybe we should go back to the bookstore in AK Plaza. Maybe we missed a really good English book there, you know?"
"No you cannot try to get a Mario."
"But come on! Look at the odds!"

After realizing that AK Plaza was already closed, we decided to call it a night and head home.

The next day...

We found ourselves hanging out with friends in AK Plaza. I took the opportunity to sneak away and ran up to the bookstore. I confronted my enemy one last time. I had a handful of change from the arcade last night and I was ready to use it. I popped in my first 2000 and turned the crank. I was determined to get my Mario! You can probably guess what happened. Yet another Peach came out.

No! This wasn't fair! The odds are even higher now! Come on, Mario! I threw down another 2000 Won. PEACH!

Why are you punishing me? I didn't do anything! It has to be different now. Another 2000 Won appeared in the machine. Blue! NO! BLUE PEACH!

It couldn't be. This had to be a joke. The Mario was just on top, waiting for me, calling to me:

"Justa one morea, Joshua."
"Yes! One more!"

I threw in another 2000 Won. It had to be Mario this time. SWEET MOTHER OF ALL THINGS GOOD AND HOLY, I GOT ANOTHER PEACH!

For those of you keeping track, I am now up to SEVEN Peaches!

For some reason my mind said, "Dude, Josh. Think of the odds. How many Peaches do you really think are in there? Come on!" to which I replied, "You're right! One more!"

The crank turned and the ball dropped. I knew this was the moment. I reached inside. It's Mario. I know it. My mind clearly wasn't thinking because when I turned it around it was yet another Peach.

Eight. I'm now up to eight freaking Peaches. I knew that if I didn't do it again, some little punk would come along and steal my Mario! After all the work I did wading through Peaches, this kid was going to steal my Mario. Not if I had anything to say about it! I threw in another 2000 Won.

...

I almost lit the store on fire at this point because low and behold, I HAD ANOTHER PEACH!

I had tried this machine nine times and every single time I received the one character I didn't want. I didn't even care if I got Mario anymore. I just wanted something other than Peach! I reached into my pocket once more, pulled out my frog and found him to be surprisingly light.

No! This can't be! I opened the frog and found him to be completely empty save for a few 10 Won pieces. I desperately reached into my other pocket and pulled out my wallet. I had to have cash somewhere! I opened it up and a little butterfly flew out laughing, nay, taunting me in all of my broke misery.

After considering mugging some kids for some Won, I stuffed all six Peaches into various pockets (I must have looked like I had some really bad tumors) and walked back to Audrey and my friends with my head hung low.

"Hey, how did it go?"
"I GOT SIX MORE FREAKING PEACHES!"
"Oh. Well, that's what happens when you gamble."
*holding back tears with my head hung low* "I just wanted a Mario for my desk..."
"I know. I know." *pat pat*

I guess Meg felt bad for me because Audrey and her then went to the bookstore when I wasn't around and dropped another 2000 Won on that machine. Guess what they got? That's right. Peach. If it counts I really really appreciate the gesture and was really touched by the fact that they would waste their money on a stupid obsession of mine.

Meg: "I'm going to get a Mario one day and then I'm going to show it to you and say, 'How much is he worth to you? Do you really want him?'"

I said I would resist, but at that point I would probably have given my left arm for a Mario. Please keep in mind that I am left handed.

For those of you keeping track at home, we dropped a total of 20,000 Won on the quarter machine. For those who remember the conversion rate, that is roughly $20.

If any of you thought that I couldn't sink any lower, I just want to let you know that I still try to trick Audrey into going into the bookstore with me so I can try again. I always get a resounding,

"No."

Hey, buddy, you mind giving me just a little...no? Oh, okay

Josh:

Personal space is a bit of an issue here in Korea. One finds that out very quickly when walking down the streets and multiple people ram into you without even blinking. I knew about this before I came because we researched as much about Korea as we could but it still is really strange to have to deal with it on a day-to-day basis. Audrey, unfortunately, had to deal with the worst story about personal space (or lack there-of):

We were going over to Seoul (for some reason; once again, score one for my memory) and, of course, the plan was to take the train. There was a line this time (it must have been rush hour) so we jumped in and waited patiently just like everyone else. Other people started getting in line behind us and normally this would have been perfectly acceptable. The only problem was the older man (probably 50 or so) stood directly behind Audrey. It's hard to convey how close he was. If Audrey and the old man were represented by the letter "i", "ii" is a pretty close representation of how close this guy was to her. It's not like there was any need for it because there was plenty of room behind him. He just decided that he needed to be one centimeter away from her. It was to the point where Audrey could smell and feel his breath; needless to say, she wasn't happy. I moved forward a little bit to give her some room. She stepped forward and the old man, not missing a beat, took a step right after and ended up in the same position as before. I then asked Audrey if she wanted to trade because maybe touching his nose to a sweaty foreigner's back would change his mind about personal proximity. She refused, unfortunately. Whenever the line would move up slightly, this guy was right on top of it (almost to be taken literally). It was utterly ridiculous. Audrey decided that if he was going to be that close, he might as well serve a purpose so she started leaning backwards and having him support her weight. He didn't really even flinch, much to our dismay. When we finally reached the front of the line Audrey jumped forward and she finally escaped the clutches of a creepy old man. We bought our tickets and got out of that area.

Why would someone feel the need to stay so close to someone? Unfortunately, I already know the answer to that. It turns out that if you aren't "thisclose" to someone in line, people assume you aren't in line at all and tend to cut. At that point you can attempt communication (which often fails) and tell them that you were clearly there first even if your nose wasn't in the back of the other person's hair or you can let the 60 year old crazy woman have her way. Just like the lines on the road, lines inside buildings are more like guidelines. Frequently I have to break my personal space issues and move right behind another person because someone decided not to wait behind me, but instead beside me. These line vultures are everywhere and it gives me great personal satisfaction whenever I manage to foil them by putting my giant foreign shoulder in front of their face to show that, "Yes, I was waiting in line."

On a more chronologically focused path, the weather started changing since you last saw a date (around the beginning of May). It started to get a little warmer and Audrey wasn't dying every time we went outside. My taste buds were starting to get more accustomed to the super spicy food here. I know that because I had noodles that were labeled as "spicy" to Koreans. I felt like my face was on fire but I still managed to eat it all (pat on the back to me). Audrey says that's a bad thing because I am not actually being tough and getting accustomed to the spicy food but actually killing the sensitivity in my taste buds. Way to ruin my manliness with science, Audrey! I suppose it is pretty manly to say you burned off your taste buds though; I'm back in the game! I digress.

As I reread this post I realize that my blog tends to shift tones so rapidly it probably makes my readers feel bipolar (and its author seem so as well). I didn't mean for it to get so somber because the post started out fairly funny (or I like to think so at least). I apologize for the 180 turn but I figured I would give you a heads up so it's not as sudden of a change as it could be.

The Tuesday following the all out brawl by our landlady's granddaughters I learned some rather sobering news. It was a normal day and I was talking to Ms. Kim when she mentioned that something had been changed in the schedule. I asked why and she said it was because a third grader killed himself on Monday. Keep in mind that I had gone through half of the day without the slightest hint that anything was askew. Apparently he had a big fight with his parents and he jumped off the top of his apartment building. I don't know many more details than that (such as his name, what class he was in, etc) but needless to say it was a bit crazy. I knew that this part of the world had a higher suicide rate but it's different to experience it first hand. Of course, I never taught this kid and, most likely, never really even had the chance to meet him. I felt bad for Ms. Kim because I believe he was one of her students. I really don't have much to say about it because I don't know much about it. The reason why I mention it is because it gives me a weird feeling to have taught in a school where one of the students I potentially talked to decided that nothing was worth living for and jumped off of the top of a building. It gives me pause to wonder about what you would think about as you see the ground flying toward you at an alarming rate. Did he regret the decision half way down and wish that he hadn't been so hasty? I really can't think about it too much because just the idea of a boy wishing he hadn't made a stupid decision with all his might but to no avail is too much for me.

I hate to end a post on that story but I really have no where to go from here.

It's hard to be the cool teacher when you flail like a little girl

Josh:

I have this bad habit of having my entire body spasm in a vain attempt to swat it away whenever something flies near me . Imagine you are walking down the road and then something big and dark flies at your face so your body says, "KILL IT! SWEET JESUS, KILL IT!" and does a sort of special-ed-dance-swat-thing and completely misses what turns out to be a fly. You realize that it was a fly, push your hair back to the side and look around to see multiple Koreans staring at you, asking with their eyes, "What the hell just happened?" What's the best option at this point? For some reason your mind then says, "STRUT! Strut and then say 'Wud up?' to the 70 year old woman like she actually understands you and everything will be better!" So you obey your mind for some reason and proceed to try to walk like a peacock and give the head nod "What up" to the old lady and continue on your merry way.

Unfortunately, that would be awesome if that wasn't a fairly common occurrence with me. I can't help it. Ever since I was young I have always had an innate fear of bees and wasps. When I got here, I saw that the bees and wasps were about five times as big as the ones back in America and that only compounded the problem. What if I'm actually allergic to bee stings? I'm allergic to everything else in the world, would it really be that far of a stretch to imagine that I'm allergic to POISON? I've talked to other teachers about this problem and they say they do the same thing. I had one teacher tell me that a bee managed to get into her room so she ran into a corner and hid with all of her kids around her. One of her students then said, "Teacher! You're bigger! Kill it!" to which she replied, "SHUT UP! It'll hear you!" and then offered the child to her new dark master, the mighty bee.

As the title suggests, it's really hard to be cool when you act like a little baby when a fly comes by (and you think it's some sort of demon wasp out for you unborn children). I feel that I'm pretty good at being "the cool teacher":

I taught my kids all variations of the phrase, "What's up?" and I frequently use it when I see them

When asked what I like to do I said, "Oh, I play the guitar." (brush my hair back and flex at this point) to which the students say, "Oooh! WOW!"

Then they ask, "Teacher! Favorite sport?" to which I slyly reply, "Oh, I like to box. You know, kickboxing." and the chorus responds, "TEACHER! SCARY! WOW!" and I push the envelope more saying as I stretch a little, "Yeah, I also like to do MMA style fighting. I used to want to do it, but now I just teach." and of course, "WOW TEACHER!"

"Teacher! Favorite music?" and of course I say, "Metal, baby! *horns thrown up* And I also dabble in some gangsta rap."
"Teacher rapper? Teacher rapper?"
"Yeah, I'm kind of a thing in California."

Imagine all of the cool points I have with these kids now. I even killed a massive spider in front of them without even flinching and the kids said, "Oooh tough guy!"

Now, if you will, picture your students surrounding you as you head home when the evil fly/bee hybrid flies past your head and you act like you just got hit with a jolt of electricity. Then you hear a sound. What could it be? It's the sound of all your cool points drifting off into the void as your students stare at you with mouths wide open. So what does your mind tell you to do this time?

Scream "YOU DON'T KNOW ME!" and run home.

Just thought I'd let you know...

What time is it? Video-O-Clock!

Josh:

Here are the videos I have promised over the last few posts. Finally! (Remember that I already mentioned that I am a terrible camera man. Please ignore it and imagine that it's the best video you have ever seen. I'm also really bad at talking during videos. Before I start the video I know what I want to say but the second it turns on I forget everything. Oh well.)

The first is my original office. This is the place where all the teachers go in between or before classes. You will have to excuse the sound because I was trying to be quiet (for some reason, I guess that I just felt that the office was a quiet place. I really don't know.) I'm not saying anything important anyway. Basically I'm saying it's my cubicle and this is the office.



The second video is the first part of the tour of my English Zone. I had to cut it short because the alarm was going nuts and it wasn't shutting off properly.



The third video is an actual tour of the English Zone and all of it's toys. This is where I spend my day during school. I don't really head over to the cubicle area anymore because everything I need is in my room (except for company but the quiet allows me to work, I suppose).



I don't remember if I posted this but here is a video of Mike and I eating bugs. Look at us being all manly and stuff.



This next video is a tour of the house that we are living in now. I haven't taken another video of the clean and furnished version of the house but you can at least get an idea of our house.



Here is a short tour of the town that Audrey works in. Remember that this is within the first week that we got to Korea so I am still new at everything in this video.



Remember many, many posts ago how I raved about my students' reactions to the Typhoon game? Here is a short recording of the ending of the game. Keep in mind that this is a mild reaction compared to my other classes. My favorite part are the kids jumping up and down in the background. I love it.



This next video is from another game I tried out recently called "Three Kingdoms". Basically each group represented a kingdom and they get army points whenever they answer a question right. They then get to decide whether to attack other kingdoms or build up a powerful army and be peaceful. This game is fantastic because it makes the other kids go to the other kingdoms and try to negotiate treaties, make deals and ask them to attack the other countries. They really really get into it as you see one of my students gets upset when he tried to get an alliance going but they refused. It's fantastic. What's the prize you ask? Nothing. Awesome, right?
(Note: You might want to turn the volume down)



Perhaps I will post more late. For now, you all have a movie to watch. I hope you enjoy.

Accidentally Serious

Josh:

When I got home last night I tried to upload videos via my internet, but alas, it didn't work. I decided to take drastic measures and created a YouTube account. Once the videos finish uploading I will link them in another post. If you are ever bored, (and I manage to get around to it) feel free to check out the rest of the videos I put up there. For now, enough shameless plugs. Let's move onto the good stuff.

The weekend after my trip to the agriculture center we went to Songtan (the place near the military base) again to find the rumored smaller Mexican food place with the mythical ground beef (a hard find in Korea). After just a few minutes of hunting, we found it and promptly ran inside. The owner there spoke English very well and was very nice. He had a good sense of humor and when I asked," Can I get a burrito with nothing but beans, rice and beef, please?" he replied immediately, "So no tortilla, right?" I know that kind of humor is eye roll worthy but I thought it was amusing. We started talking to him and found he is a really cool guy. He first started the conversation off with,

"You guys are teachers, right?"
To which we proudly said, "Yes, indeed."
"I thought so. I can smell the difference."

Upon typing that out I don't think his true point came across. He meant a metaphorical smell. There is a difference in the way one acts (I'm trying to be the least offensive as possible because I do truly appreciate everyone in the military) and the way one presents him or herself to the world. At least for us, we try to present a positive and friendly image and some others may or may not try to present a similar image, military or teachers alike. My overall point is that the guy at the Mexican food place enjoyed our company.

After some small talk he brought out our burritos and they were actually really good. Not as fantastic as that first night when we discovered Mexican food in Seoul but not nearly as disappointing as my first Mexican food experience in Songtan. I would say it was really enjoyable. The ground beef was amazing for the first couple of bites but later became a little chewy about halfway through the burrito. The refried beans (or imitation refried beans) and the rice turned out to be pretty good. Overall, I was so satisfied that I went and got another burrito (without the ground beef this time). Because we both order strangely (especially me) he gave us a look and then said, "Okay, if that's what you want." We often get fairly large reactions to our strange orders here (as mentioned before).

We hung out at the burrito place for quite some time because the owner was a lot of fun to talk to. We learned the he has family in America, he learned about where we were from and then the subject changed to something called "Juicys". For those of you who are unfamiliar with this term, these are women who dress in the most revealing clothing humanly possible and hang around bars trying to meet foreigners. They are usually from another country and are in Korea with a Visa for "singers" at a bar. Technically they are employed but most of the time, they actually aren't. Their goal is to get pregnant off of military personnel or any foreigners for that matter. Why? So they can have a chance of becoming a US citizen and having a better life. It's really sad that something like that exists and is still being practiced today. Imagine waking up and hoping that you get pregnant with a small chance that the foreigner will lay claim to you and your baby and you can become an American citizen. The sad part is that many of the women are often taken to a hotel and promptly discarded without a second thought. If anybody was to stop and look at their motive for flirting with them then they would see the sad situation that they were in. The sad part is that there is still a "market" for this because there are tons of "Juicys" everywhere. Both sides have sad parts to them because one side wants to live a better life while the other side is a potential lonely foreigner looking for companionship. Obviously one seems to weigh a little heavier over the other but what I'm trying to say is that neither side is particularly "evil". It's just a sad situation that exists and, unfortunately, has no ready remedy.

Let's hop off of the Serious Train and head back down to Happy Valley. So after we chatted with the store owner for some time we left and went into a t-shirt store because Audrey saw a shirt she liked. We went in and saw a plethora of t-shirts ranging from the silly (like Audrey's) to shirts with words and phrases that would make a sailor blush. It would be amazing if anybody wore those shirts but I wouldn't put it past anyone. I would love to tell exactly what they said but I don't feel the urge to repeat those words nor do I want to make my blog rated X. Anyway, Audrey bought a shirt that says, "You had me at An-young-ha-say-o" (An-young-ha-say-o basically means "Hello" in Korean) so she thought it was cute and we bought it.

After a little more looking around we decided to head back to Pyeongtaek. We were already getting tired (and it wasn't even dark yet) so we hopped on the next train and headed home. We decided to take a taxi home because we thought it would be faster. It turns out it really wasn't that much better because of the traffic. Our taxi driver seemed a little on edge so we just jumped in and didn't really say anything. As we were leaving AK Plaza these three guys (all dressed in white wife beaters and pants sagging) walked by. One pretended like he got hit by the taxi and the others laughed and then made small gestures for "ignore him" (not really "sorry"). The problem was that these people were clearly Americans and we could tell that the taxi driver didn't like us in the first place so now he was glaring at us because somehow we were associated with them now. To make matters worse they saw white people in the car and knocked on the window (we were stuck behind traffic) and said,

"Do you speak English?"
"Of course."
"Great. How do we get to the red light district?"
"Really? What would you want there?"
"Well, we just heard of it and we wanted to go."

After a few minutes of them continuously asking Audrey where the red light district was (I was in the back seat) and mentioning they just wanted a stripper, the traffic started to clear but before we pulled away they said, "You could strip for us if you want," at which point Audrey rolled up the window.

No wonder the taxi driver hates Americans. These guys pretended like he hit them and then asked where the prostitutes were. I felt embarrassed and angry that now we had to sit in a cab in total silence because the driver was not happy at all that these strangers messed with him for no reason. I'm not one of those people that likes to burden others with the responsibility of saying, "You represent America when you visit other countries," but frankly, you do. America already has a reputation with the rest of the world (as Audrey was so pleased to find out how much at GEPIK training) and it's fashionable to bash on America. Why would you perpetuate that stereotype? Why not show that you are an intelligent person who is worth listening to and worth caring about? I feel it's my responsibility to represent not only myself in a good light, but my country. I'm not a flag waving kind of guy but I am very proud (and lucky) to be born in America. As I said, it's fashionable to bash on America (even by Americans) yet they live in a place where they don't have to have to try to get pregnant by a random guy for citizenship or where people don't live 18 years of their life without seeing another race. Almost everything you do in another country counts, is important and can affect the lives of others. Soldiers are banned from a certain town in Korea because of what one sick guy did; even if the soldier is a gentleman (like a many of the military people I've actually met) he still isn't allowed in. It really annoying when I have to clean up the mess that another person made because they just didn't care for anyone other than themselves. And yes, nobody should judge someone based on a stereotype, but unfortunately, many ignorant people do. Saying you will follow a stereotype because people believe it makes you just as ignorant as those who believe them.

Of course, when this event happened I didn't think that much about it, nor did I go on such a rant about what I thought of representing yourself in another country. This stuff tends to come out when you write, I suppose. I realize this blog entry is too serious so even though it is long, I will not finish yet.

The next day we decided to check out the open market. Let me start off by saying how much I love the open market: I love the open market, a lot. It's filled with the craziest things you can imagine. Anything from entire pig heads to bookshelves to bathroom towels to cheap rip off shoes to bugs that you can eat to grocery stores. When I say it has everything, I mean it has everything. You will be assaulted with some of the worst smells you have ever smelled in your entire life and you will see guts and blood and hearts but it is amazing nevertheless. Audrey doesn't care for the market much, but every time I go I can't help but stare wide-eyed at all the wonders that I normally don't see in America (even if it is disgusting). I even saw what I'm pretty sure was half of a skinned dog (that was a little much for me but I figured it was worth mentioning). You will hear people shouting at you to try to buy their wares, you will see older ladies gently smiling at you as you walk by their vegetable stand, you will see people glare and yell at you if you show your camera and you will feel alive. How can you not be happy in a place like this?






















Those pig heads are a shout of to Liz, by the way. We took that picture specifically for you. Enjoy! For those who don't think pictures are good enough, how about a short video? You will notice that we hold the camera kind of odd because I wasn't sure if it was allowed inside or not so we were being cautious. Of course, the second someone sees us with it she starts to yell at us. It kind of made us nervous the first time but sometime soon I think I will go back and hold my tourist camera high and proud.



(Note: Click on it twice to open up the YouTube page so you can see the entire thing)

So after a little bit of wandering around we finally found a furniture store (our true goal that day). We talked a bit and finally decided on these colorful shelves that would allow us to put our clothes up in an easily accessible way. We talked to the owner (who was very nice) and started getting the shelves ready. While we were signing the receipt his daughters (couldn't be older than five) started cleaning the shelves for us because they were a little dusty. Audrey thought it was really cute and it was very nice of them. Then came the problem of how we were going to get them home. The original plan was for me to carry two of them (there was four) back to the house and then come back and get the rest. The owner, without us even asking, put the shelves in his truck and asked where our house was. He then told us to hop in, he closed up his shop, drove us home, helped carry the shelves into the house and then even took the cardboard off of the shelves and took it with him. We felt really bad that he did all that for us so we gave him some Snickers to give to his daughters. We thought he was so nice that we came back the next day and bought more shelves and he did the same thing yet again. Good customer service does lead to more business.

This will allow me to transition perfectly into something I've wanted to talk about for a while: the customer service here in Korea. It is ridiculous; it's to the point where I feel bad having all these things done for me. No where in America would that store owner close his shop down so he could give us a ride home. Every store in Korea is that concerned with customer service. When I was getting my cell phone the employees who weren't helping customers were making tea, offering seats and then giving us grape juice while we were waiting. They are so attentive that sometimes it can be annoying such as when you walk into a store and have a couple of workers ask, "Can I help you?" and then they follow you around just in case you do need help. Another case is when you go to the grocery store and you even look at the food they are selling, they immediately jump out from behind the counter and ask if you want something. This level of customer service is really amazing sometimes but also really bad other times when you feel pressured into buying something because the person has already shrink wrapped it, cut out the piece you were looking at and then carved your initials in it. I understand that it makes me a sucker for saying yes after they essentially shove something into my arms but I can't help it. I think it will be good for me to slowly learn to say "no" even after they go through all the work of preparing it. Overall though I enjoy the service here even if it is a little high pressure.

That's a little better. Now it is okay to finish up this entry.

Addictions, Apartments and A-drunk-old-man (one word)

Josh:

I would like to take a moment to comment on a recent addiction that Audrey now has. It started off innocently enough but now it has consumed her completely. Yes, I'm talking about Taiko Drum Master.











It's actually a really fun game. You play, well, Taiko drums. It has great songs such as Mario Brothers, JPop and anime TV show themes. I mention it because we always play it whenever we are in an arcade. Waiting for a movie to start? Taiko Drum Master. I wanted to do another example but really that's all I have (for now). I think we need to get an arcade machine in our house because it is so awesome. Eventually it gets really hot and we have to leave but if we had it in an air conditioned home, the fun would never end.

Another really weird game in Korea is this rhythm game where you tap the screen to the beat while the screen flashes weird anime scenes. It seems really weird to explain but that is the entire game.











Some of these kids are so into it that I have seen a guy standing behind another person watching him play and tapping an invisible keyboard in front of him in an attempt to follow the screen. I wish I had taken a picture because it was fantastic.

Why do I mention these games? I really have no idea other than the fact that there are interesting rhythm games in Korea. And it also leads me perfectly into one more side note about arcades:

When you play an arcade game in Korea (especially if you are a foreigner) people gather behind you and watch you play. I experienced this for the first time when Mike and I decided to try House of the Dead 4. We decided that we wanted to beat it and kept pumping 500 won pieces into it whenever we would die. Eventually people started standing behind us and were watching. I wasn't quite sure if they wanted to play so when I died I made a gesture towards them to ask if they wanted to play. They shook their heads "no". At this point I was really confused because I had no idea what they were doing. I would lean over to Mike and ask, "Are they watching us or is this some sort of huge line? I feel like we are hogging the machine because we keep putting money in when we die," to which he replied, "I have no idea." So we stood there with a crowd of maybe 5-10 people standing behind us watching us kill zombies to save the world. We got to the final boss and Mike and I ran out of coins. We shook our heads and let our characters die for a change and stepped away from the machine. I expected someone from the crowd to swoop in a pick up the gun immediately. To my utter amazement all of them dispersed and parted ways. I was really confused. So they weren't waiting for a chance to play but just wanted to watch us play House of the Dead? To me, that's really strange. When I'm in an arcade I always want to play games. I guess I'm just a control freak (oh play on words, you amuse me so). It doesn't really strike me as a "fun time" to watch other people get killed by zombies every other minute. I've also seen this phenomenon with people playing Tekken (of course). People gather around each side and are utterly absorbed by what each player is doing. I'm sure some go so far as to cheer and "awww" when someone loses but I haven't seen this yet. I asked Charles (a Korean friend of mine) what the deal was and he said, "Oh yes. They just want to watch. That's all." It still baffles me. This goes so far as to even have TV channels devoted to airing Starcraft matches (I kid you not). Imagine, "Hey, honey! The Starcraft match is on! Our team is playing again! Grab the popcorn and get over here!" to which she would reply, "Oh good! I hope our team wins this time. GO ON! PWN (sic) THEM!"
[My blog has officially lost credit as I have used the internet slang "pwn". Sigh. I get some credit back by using a literary term to show I did it on purpose. Right? Right?]

In all reality, it's good to encourage people watching other people play games. As I mentioned earlier, I am a control freak and it's sometimes boring for me to watch other people play video games. I was always designated as "the video game player" in my family so I never really had to watch other people play (i.e. "share"). I don't mean to make it sound like I never let other people play, because I do; as I mature (i.e. "level up my maturity" [yes, I know that was bad but I couldn't help it]) I find myself enjoying watching other people play. The problem is that I wasn't raised watching other people play as others have. I think the ability to watch other people play and still be entertained is a fantastic life skill because you will never always be in control and it is sometimes fun to watch others having fun (it sounds really weird when I type that out though. Watching others have fun is fun. Strange?). Maybe this is why I hate watching sports so much. Yeah, I like that excuse.

How can I possibly transition from addiction and games to another topic? Easy. I will talk about something I mentioned before. The crane games!











I haven't really talked about them much but I will once again. That awesome picture is me with my first two prizes: a radio and a lighter. Both are utterly useless to me but the fact that I won them makes them that much cooler. Since then I have sunk an obscene amount of money into these stupid things (as predicted). I have won other prizes such as stuffed bears and hedgehogs and even a lame necklace but nothing really amazing. A while ago I decided to cut myself off from crane machines completely unless something particularly awesome was a prize (such as many of the prizes I mentioned a long time ago in the blog). No more stuffed animals or lame radios for me. I just wanted everyone to know that I powered through my addiction and I no longer play the crane games (frequently that is).

Many of you might be wondering, "Where does Joshua work, what does it look like, where does he live, etc." Well ladies and gentlemen, you wish will finally be answered. After months of neglect and not posting what my houses or my offices look like I will finally post everything.

Let me start off with our initial house in Dogok. You might have to scroll way back for the description (or you can just watch the video and see it yourself, if you want):

Note: Before I post anything, please know that I am a terrible cameraman. One might even call me atrocious. I tend to point the camera at the ground half of the time, I move the camera too fast, the camera is frequently jostled and sometimes I don't speak loudly enough or I speak too loudly. Don't mind that. Pretend that it doesn't exist and everything will be great.

Without further ado, here is our Dogok apartment:




Wow, a long time later one finally managed to upload. This is why I never uploaded videos before. Well, maybe I'll upload videos from the house and hopefully it'll be faster. Maybe. Unfortunately, I have to cut the video uploads off here. Sorry. I tried doing two but the second one literally took over two hours and didn't even upload so I canceled it. Maybe someday everyone can experience videos. Someday.

I'll end this post with another story.

A month or so ago our group was riding on a train over to Seoul (once again, I don't remember what is was for exactly). The train was sold out because it was the weekend so we had to wait in the dining car. I don't think I've said how awesome the dining cars in Korea are (if I have, then here's a reminder). They all have mini-Norebangs (karaoke rooms that people use often even on a train), computers with pay by the hour internet, arcade machines (usually with Tekken) and a counter where they sell food and drinks. This is somewhat important to know because they sell alcohol on the train (same as most places in Korea). We saw a strange looking man (looked a little like a derelict) come in and buy a tall boy of Cass (a Korean beer) and a box of crackers. There were also two young girls standing against the wall across from the food counter. They were obviously "rebels" because they were showing a little bit of cleavage (scandalous - note that in Korea it is perfectly acceptable to wear skirts that barely cover your butt but if you show your neckline or a tiny bit of breast you are "slutty". I happen to disagree and think that showing off your underwear, or lack thereof, is a lot worse than a collarbone here and there but what do I know?). The man looks over at them, heads over and starts talking to them. They obviously are not interested in talking to him because they give him a disgusted look. This older man doesn't quite take the hint and continues to talk to them while inching closer and closer to them (personal space is another rant but I've digressed too much as it is). They seem to answer his questions with as little words as possible and frequently exchange looks of loathing to each other. They sit down in an attempt to make him go away but the man doesn't miss a beat and sits down right next to them. He opens up his box of crackers and gives them one of the packets. You see, gentlemen, nothing says debonair charm, class and outright sexiness like a packet of crackers. The girls try to say "no" but he insists and shoves the "gift" into their hands. They eventually give up fighting and set it down next to them. I wonder if he had a conversation with his friend later saying,

"You know what gets the ladies?"
"No, man. What?"
"Freaking crackers."
"Nice! Pound it!"

I don't know why the old man talks like a teenager from California but that's how the scenario ran through my head. Anyway, after ten minutes of awkward conversation (and us pointing at them to our friends and snickering) one of the friends pulls out her phone and makes a phone call. She then gets up and moves away from her friend, leaving her by herself to fend off the advances of a drunk old man (who is frequently sipping his tall boy of beer). The friend who was abandoned had a look of sheer terror on her face as she saw her friend get up and leave her to the wolves. I thought, "Well she'll probably call her friend's cell or make up some excuse to get her our of there." Twenty minutes later, the friend is still on the phone and has moved far away from her friend and the drunk old man. The guy is still hitting on the poor girl stuck there. She then just lays her head against the wall and stares off into nothing, apparently giving up on life and only answering in monosyllabic words (as much as she can). I then turn to her friend on the phone and she looks over at her abandoned friend, laughs and says on the phone (as far as I can tell):

"I just left Suzy all alone with this drunk guy and now she is stuck talking to him. Awesome, right? I'm such a good person." - To be said as she pops her gum and twirls her hair on her finger

This continued for the rest of the train ride which, by the way, is over an hour. Finally, we pull into Seoul and we head out and I see the two girls start to get ready to get off. I don't know how the conversation with the old man ended but I can imagine it to be something like this:

"Hey, this is my stop. I have to go. Nice talking to you."
"Oh, okay. Well can I get your number and maybe I'll call you sometime, chica?"
"Oh, I don't know. I normally don't give my number out."
"Come on, baby. It'll be great."

At that point she probably would have jumped out the window to get off the train (I would have) so I'm sure she said "no" politely and ran off. The last I saw of these two girls was on the escalator going up into Seoul station with the girl on the phone laughing at the other girl and the other girl pretending to laugh along with her (or so it seems). I'm sure their friendship will be one that lasts forever.

Buh na nee nee nee nee nee nee nee (to be sung like a banjo)

Josh:

For those of you who need clarification of the title, play this song and you will get how it is supposed to sound (you only need less than the first minute or so to get the idea):


Don't worry. It'll make sense in a second. By the way, prepare for a long post.

We live in the classiest neighborhood. I am reminded to write about this because we were lucky enough last night to hear yet another show given to us so generously by our neighbors. We didn't even ask and yet we received. How kind and giving they are.

(Very off topic side note: When I reread the word "yet" I thought, "That word is really really strange." It was so strange that I had to look it up to make sure I was using it correctly because all knowledge of this bizarre combination of letters seemed to escape my head. Yes, I used it correctly: definition #6: nevertheless. I hope everyone who reads this will now look at the word "yet" and have the same thing happen to them. There also is the distinct possibility that maybe I'm just crazy. Who knows?)

Back to the story at hand. If you recall correctly before my little side note turned into a rant, I was building something up so that you would want to read ahead to figure out what it was that the neighbors keep giving us. What was it exactly? It was just the classy neighbors shouting at the top of their lungs at each other. What? All that build up for people yelling at each other? Well ladies and gentlemen, it is much more epic than that explanation seems to show. We have experienced two epic showdowns by our neighbors and one last night that was just shouting (we were tired and didn't care enough to investigate). Without further ado, I give you the story of "Our Landlady's Granddaughters' Fist Fight":

It started like any other weekend. We were getting ready to go out (I don't remember for what but it's not important) when Audrey mentioned that she heard something. We both stopped what we were doing and listened carefully. It sounded like girls speaking loudly. Then it turned into girls shouting. Then it turned into girls shouting with things making crashing noises. We stopped and thought, "What should we do? It sounds really close." We decided to finish getting ready and start heading out ASAP so we didn't have to hear all the ruckus. It took us about five to ten minutes to finish getting ready and the entire time we heard shouting. It wasn't just normal shouting. It was "I'm shouting at the top of my lungs and I'm going to kill you" shouting. Obviously this concerned us so we headed outside. As we open the door the shouting continues and we hear sounds that sound similar to hitting and Audrey heads to the stairs while I lock the door. I start to hear crying and I head downstairs to see one girl curled up in a fetal position under our stairs crying as hard as she can with another girl squatting in front of our landlady's door. I recognize these girls as the two girls that I ran into on my way home from school. They were young teenagers that said, "Hello!" happily as I opened the gate for them and they went into their grandma's house (our landlady) and now I see them both crying hard. Needless to say we both felt extremely awkward. What could we do with a language barrier and the fact that it really isn't our business? I wasn't sure how hurt that girl was or if she even was hurt but it certainly seemed like it. We stepped outside the gate and started talking. We debated for about five minutes in front of the gate what we should while keeping an open ear just in case anything got worse. The shouting commenced once more and we were really worried. Eventually, while we were talking about what to do, we saw a face look at us from in between the crack of the wall and the gate. We both saw this and we then decided to finish it so I stayed outside (who wants a really tall and scary foreigner trying to calm down a teenage cat fight) while Audrey went it. I, of course, listened for anything that could mean trouble and I waited. I heard Audrey start talking and then I saw all three of them go upstairs into our house. At this point I started getting a little worried because it would be hard for me to hear if anything went wrong. I waited a couple minutes and debated going up there but then I saw all three coming downstairs and the two girls went into the landlady's house and Audrey came out. Apparently she told them it was loud and scary and we didn't like that. She then gave them mini-Snickers and one of them apologized and that was that.

It was absolutely insane. Neither of us had ever seen or heard anything like that, especially that close to our house. They didn't even try to hide the fact that they were fighting. They were shouting at the top of their lungs and the entire neighborhood could hear them perfectly. Normally people care if other people are watching them have a fight but apparently that wasn't a factor for them. We thought, "How strange, maybe this is just a one time crazy thing happening." NOPE!

The story of "The Insane Neighbors and the Cops Who Don't Do Anything":
Once again, it was a fairly normal weekend. Audrey had gone out with some friends to go see Prince of Persia for the second time. I had managed to survive that movie once and I wasn't interested in trying a second time (I'll tell that story a little later). So I stayed home and Audrey went out. While I was hanging out, relaxing and doing the laundry a noise struck me as odd. It started off fairly quiet then I noticed it start to grow. It was slightly familiar. I opened the door to my terrace and immediately recognized it: it was the bloody murder scream we had heard not too long ago. It was, once again, a female shouting at the top of her lungs, "Oppa! Oppa!" (which either means older brother or father depending on the pronunciation but I don't remember how it sounded exactly). I looked around to try to find it but I couldn't pinpoint where it was. I started to get a little angry and worried that something bad was happening. I threw on my shoes, grabbed my keys (after minutes of searching all the while this screaming continued) and stepped outside and looked around. I saw a few other neighbors down the street looking in the direction of my house. I looked up and it was my neighbors who are directly across from my house (so they are on the second floor). I looked around and decided I couldn't do anything so I went back inside. I tried to keep a close eye on what was going on when I got a phone call from Audrey saying they were coming home. I warned them about the show and they hurried home. While I was waiting I saw a 20-something year old girl step outside crying and shouting. I also saw an older and heavier lady step outside and keep shouting also. When Audrey and company finally got back the screaming multiplied. It got even louder so we all decided to watch out of our bedroom window. As we were talking about it between ourselves we saw a small glimmer of hope. It was a light from a police car! Finally, someone called the cops. It wasn't like I could call them considering I don't speak Korean. We all crowded by the window to see what would happen. The police rang the doorbell a couple of times and a fairly old man came out and started talking. Then the heavier older lady came out, started shouting at the police, put the man in a headlock (not kidding), shoved him back inside the house and then went back to continue yelling at the police. After about a minute of this the police shrugged their shoulders and LEFT! I can only imagine, "Oh well, Bob. It seems to be a fairly violent situation but it's upstairs and I really don't want to climb."
"I feel that, Jim. Let's roll."
And then they leave. Immediately after they start to leave the heavy lady (by the way she was younger than the old man) slaps the old man across the face and shoves him in. At this point this is getting too farcical for me and I grab my camera and here is what I get at first:



This isn't much obviously. The lady in the video is the crazy one that put the old man in the headlock and slapped him into the house. The people you hear are a gentleman named Nolan (awesome guy), Meg (mentioned earlier in the blog) and me. I only managed to get a little bit and, of course, I had missed the police. We then decide to do the responsible thing and not even bother trying to hide the fact that we are watching and step outside onto the terrace and "do laundry". Basically we all gathered onto the terrace and blatantly stared at their house. We also decided we needed a recording of the noises that they were making because they were something of legend. So we hit the record button and set it down on top of our laundry rack. Enjoy!



Have you ever heard a human being make those noises? I certainly haven't until that point. It reminds me of some sort of harpy screech. You can hear Nolan, Audrey, Meg and I commenting such as, "Oh I'll give you something to cry about!" or the imagined translation of what the lady yelled to the police, "YEAH! WE GOT THIS!" You will also notice shuffling and then a blue thing fly past the camera. In an attempt to look like we were doing work we started taking down the anti-wind screen on our window and somehow they broke a piece of plastic off of it and it shot into another neighbors yard and we giggled about it. Back to the story.

So after a long time of these terrible noises, things eventually calmed down and then stopped. I even saw that younger girl step out and do laundry like nothing ever happened. What kind of neighborhood do we live in? I feel that I need to bring a banjo along with me every time I leave just in case I need to duel someone. It's utterly ridiculous. After seeing the shouting match happen for a second time we knew that it wasn't just a fluke the first time. This was a common thing here. Apparently it's fairly common to have strangers shout at you and even have older people hit you! Where I'm from, if someone hits you, they are fair game for a "beat down" (as the young kids call it), old or not. This idea that it's acceptable to broadcast your drama across the town isn't okay with me at all. Apparently they were saying some nuggets too because when Audrey and company were on their way back they would see the other neighbors who were watching flinch or make a face. To completely nerd out, one quote is sticking my head for some reason:
"When did...the wise abandon reason for madness?" - Gandalf

I'll end this entry with that thought, even though I could rant for pages talking about what kind of life it would be to live where that was a regular occurrence and that some kind of abuse was passed over by the police. I will stop at where I am before I get too riled up and I talk about something I honestly don't know much about.

"Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."

Side note: You know how I said my neighborhood is classy? It goes beyond just the shouting. I forgot to mention when we first came up to this house (and up to this day) the streets were littered with garbage. There literally is a cardboard pile with other garbage all around it, it smells like cat feces and there are swastikas all over (yes, I know that this is a Buddhist symbol but imagine when you first walk into a neighborhood and you see them everywhere, you can't help but think, "I'm going to die here, aren't I?") It was a bit much to take in at once when I first moved to Korea. Despite all my complaining, would I move? Probably not. The descriptions make it seem like some hellhole but it really isn't that bad. Let's use a euphemism and say that my neighborhood has "character", shall we?